I spent the early part at my job avoiding my coworkers. I secretly loved to see what kind of mutant relationship could spawn out my actions, or non actions if you will. Having not told them anything about myself has led me to trickle information for the last 3 years. Typing that out just now makes the whole act seem very infantile. 3 years of avoiding people. Any way I can't go anywhere without creating, or finding, that ideal. The one that I'll avoid the most and have the most awkward stare contests with. Work is no exception to that rule and there I have BMK ( initials). Its funny how when you see the ideals other half they never live up to what you thought they should be with. He came in a year ago around the holiday time with this thing wrapped under one arm and I thought "well thats no good, was this all he could snag?". Then again i've never been one to say the opposite to that. BMK has this certain tone to his voice and a bit of a lisp. At first it was funny, then it was annoying and now its just stuck in my head. I'm taking an art class and BMK out of all the people in the world is in it, so there's an instant conversation starter, if I ever needed one. I'm always in aw of the idea of straight relationships, the idea that nobody is taking these cookies so there is no problem showing them off. He took off his shirt friday while changing at work as I stood behind him. I swear I'm not as covert as i like to think I am and frankly I'm much more of a 12yr girl about these things then I really want to be. maybe he already knows what my angle is and maybe its just a matter of time before things get hairy. After class we were discussing the project about straight angles in which i explained how hard the project was, an ongoing moan I ended by saying and yeah I don't do well with straight angles, I like free and curvy lines. I did not blink one bit before saying it and I added in something I can't recall to clean it up. Honestly I'm tired of creating that ideal or having to deal with that game I create every time a new set of people come in. Its a game I've played forever and it scares me how much its probably defined my idea of what relationships are. Fragmented as this whole thing may have sounded this whole game is a complex mind fuck that I've refused to end out of fear i'll have nothing left to think about in public.