It's not as though I didn't try.
At some point you have to sit back and ask yourself whether it's worth it to be in the heap of shit. whether the kind of sick depression you feel outside of the loop is better than the one you feel in the heap of things. I can't handle a taste, and that's probably why I've avoided it in the past. You open yourself up only to get gently slammed, and that was probably the plan all along. the ongoing thoughts have easily become to much to handle and it's hard to return to neutral ground. the question is was it worth it and can I raise myself above anything that's sitting there in the cluster fuck. the problem is I think it will take a while and the stench of the whole thing will be sitting here festering on me like a dying animal. wtf am I talking about here idk? but then again I have to look at the things that have fallen to the wayside and ask again was it worth it.
